mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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