i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
