I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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