It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
