goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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