3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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