Soap is not a condiment
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
