Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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