I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
