batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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