I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
