I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
