I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The best revenge is premature balding
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize