FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I think your dad took our porno
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
