If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
