Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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