Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
