The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
