When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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