I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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