I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
