Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
