Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
