she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I believe in your delicious
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