I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
