im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
