Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
