apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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