Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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