I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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