I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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