Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
