Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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