Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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