I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
