it's like iHOP with fire
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
