whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
