Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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