god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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