4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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