he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
