It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
