Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
