my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
