I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
