my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
