so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
