he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
