I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
