Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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