3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
