so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
