I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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