too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
