those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
