I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
