I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
