at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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