That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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