Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
