That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
