i think my tv is drunk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize