i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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