There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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