guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
3 2 1 whiskey
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
