this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
