They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize