so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
