How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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