my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
